"A Brand New--Haven't I Seen This Before?"

Have I got a game for you! Koei returns with a brand new fighting system that totally revamps what Dynasty Warriors used to be!...if you haven't ever played a Dynasty Warriors game before. Hack? Sweet! Slash? Awesome! Blandly repetitive? You bet!

Graphics: 8/10 Hey, what can I say? The characters are smooth. Well, in a sense. Peons are the same, as usual. There are twenty to thirty on the screen at once, as usual. There are hundreds to kill, as usual. All right, all right, the auras, the "magic" effects are pretty nice looking, nice and flashy. But in the end, it all gets to looking very similar.

Sound: 4/10 Ach. Just "ach." Peons dying everywhere screaming at the same time--they don't sound like tough warrior men at all. They sound like pre-pubescent twelve year old girls shrieking at the sight of a small mouse that's already been run over by a truck, devoured and spit up by a dog, scratched to pieces by a cat, and other gruesome pointless things that have nothing to do with the review. Voice acting will save the day. Voice acting is always the saving point...hahahaha! Are you serious? Guan Ping, crap. Zhang Fei: crap. Xiahou Yuan: ... Sima Yi: I don't even know what to say. Xiao Qiao: AAH! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! Maybe...just maybe the created characters will sound better. Ah, no. You wish. You. Freaking. Wish.

Gameplay: 3/10 All right, here's the plan: You go in and invade this state of China. You take a few other generals and tens of thousands of soldiers that you never even see the full extent of, and you go in and do everything by yourself anyway. Oh, but don't let your forts fall to the enemy. You'll have to go in and claim them again. And be careful! They won't give you any trouble at all! You know the plan? Great! Go in and slice. And slice. And slice. And slice. And musuo! And slice. And hack! Now slash! Now sla-get the idea? I'd hope so, you should be able to know the first minute in the first battle you ever play. I do have to give Koei some credit, though. You can activate various tactics such as a fire attack, an ambush, poisoned enemies, slowed enemies, super fast allies, capture enemy generals, restore your troops to max, but that's not all!--Actually, I think that is all the tactics. [There are a few others in different categories, just so fanboys don't attack]

Overall: Enjoy doing the same chore over and over again? Get this game! Enjoy taking over countries as a nice leader who gives money to the people? You can do that in small doses that come in between turns, so get this game! Enjoy being a maniacal ruler who takes money from the people? You can do that in small doses that come in between turns, so get this game! Tired of Koei games doing the same thing their games do and repeat totally? DO NOT GET THE GAME! Any sensible person should know that...but Fanboys. Wow. Go, fanboy. Fanboy power. Milk that cashcow! Yeah! GO FANBOYS! [I wonder if anyone will take that seriously.]

Reviewer's Score: 5/10, Originally Posted: 10/27/06