The staple RPG villain basically wants to destroy the world. This idea has gotten boring. So I decided to make a list of the cool RPG villains who actually managed to bring my interest out. For no parituclar reason. Only for the sake of pure RPG storyline enjoyment. So just read on if you want to.

Okay, so how should I start? Basically, we first know Magus as some sort of historical figure. A really tough baddie who during the medievel times back then was one hell of an opponent to beat. Seemingly, he was just so goddamn strong that his defeat was still celebrated even CENTURIES to come. As we all already know, Chrono Trigger is an RPG about travelling through time. So I no longer have to imply that at one point of the game, we go back to the past. And so, back to the past we go… in order to face Magus himself. Our in-game historical knowledge of him was probably what gave him a great impression during our first confrontation with him. His fluttering cape. His hidden scythe. Hell, he can even use magic from all the elements! What’s even best is… *drum roll* later we can recruit him as an ally! And his personal past was somewhat unexpected too. Magus is an RPG villain who was simply unique to the core (at that time at least). That’s why I put him on the beginning of the list.

If there is a final boss which makes us think twice about fighting her, then perhaps it might be Myria. The so-called ‘God’ of Breath of Fire III does not only makes us wonder in astonishment, she also to some extent actually manages to bend our minds. BoF III to me is possibly the most ‘gray’ RPG I ever played, since it never particularly shows which side is good and which side is evil, and Myria, the final boss, was actually the epitome of this grayness. So, at the eve of the final battle, I find myself sitting before my controller, dumbfounded by the statements the she made, along with the consequences of us having to fight her. You see, I always play my games with heart. And it took me lot of pondering to get my heart willing to beat her up. So when I finally managed to beat her and watch the uber-satisfying ending, I reload my save file just the check if the path I took was right. Then I finally realized that the developers at Capcom had somehow put the joke on me (this game has ‘two’ different endings; yeah, ‘two’ not two). That was when I snapped my fingers and said, ‘Damnit. Okay. So that was amusing.’ and remembering this, I decided to put Myria on the list.

Now let’s see. A skinny hippie walking around half naked. A smart-aleck nerd who’s always carrying a briefcase. And a cutie wearing a gothic-lolita dress. This unlikely bunch prowls through the town at midnight, doing shady activites, freaking people out. Two of them even point ‘guns’ at their own heads too. If that description alone isn’t amusing for you, I don’t know what is.

Random scenes. Well, to me, they seemed random at first. They make us curoius and all, but I mean, after some really insane boss fights and some very, very dramatic events, all of a sudden some shady masked weirdos suddenly appear onstage and start spouting stuff we hardly get. I mean, how seemingly random is that? They wear the same masks. They each have a different colour. We only see their faces in the dialogue box but in the events that play, all we see are merely floating orbs. We at first basically have no idea of what they’re talking about. Then I understand that storywise, these were basically a couple of those events that happened during the same time, at a different place, right? But the events that involve these guys just don’t seem to make any sense whatsoever. Who are these mystery men? Does their discussion really have anything to with the latest story development? It turns out vey late in the game that they really are villains in the main storyline. They are known as the Gazel Ministry. Another thing that’s good about them is how they don’t even go down in the typical RPG villain style. Dammit. Making us itching with curiousity like that. For me, truly a group of the most amusing RPG villains ever!

I’ll be frank. Though it is a necessity to beat them several times in order to progress through the game, they play absolutely no significance to the main storyline whatsoever. They’re mainly just a random distraction we encounter time after time. I mean, just look at it! Basically they consist of an old geezer who gathers some jobless individuals to lead them into attaining a better life. But what better life can be easier to obtain than a life of crime? So the geezer gives these jobless guys some random philosophical crap about rainbows and how society has gotten rotten and then it becomes OUR job, as Alec and company, to right back the parts where these guys have gone wrong. But seriously, the jobs involving the RBG are usually a complete waste of time. Especially after some random girl suddenly appears from out of nowhere and effortlessly takes the gang leader’s position from the old man. Then things become hectic. They lose their philosophical basis. And then… arrrgh! Why the hell am I even mentioning them here anyway?! Okay, so I guess that means they’re amusing enough.

Originally, I wanted to put FF V’s Gilgamesh here as a representative of the recurring bosses. But I realized that at one point of time, I’ve already got bored of him so I decided to put Boomerang instead. Well, Boomerang in-game is just another one of the Metal Demons which we have to face, the notorius villains in the Wild Arms world. Like many other recurring boss characters, he shares a love-hate relationship with our heroes. Highly respecting them for their preseverance and and values. But Boomerang has more than that. He’s lean and mean. As his name implies, he uses a boomerang to fight. He’s a wanderer sort of bad guy, which makes him look good when the wind blows. And at his side, there’s always the wolf, Lucied, Guardian of Desire, one of the suuposedly ‘gods’ of Filgaia, the Wild Arms’s world, who actually sided with the Metal Demons, following the one who has the strongest heart. Surprisingly, even after death, damn, Boomerang still made an attempt to retain his honor. Each of the villains in the original Wild Arms had their own flair, but Boomerang outshines them all. I can’t help but wonder why he’s not more popular than now.

Dial your number on your own cell phone, then Joker’ll come to grant your wish. Or more specifically in Eternal Punishment, your wish to have a certain someone killed. The very first villain to be properly introduced in both of the Persona 2 games immediately catches our attention because of his freaky appearance and cryptic messages. But his role is much more deeper than just being your average lunatic bad guy. From time and time again, the Joker in both games hints of a past connection between us, the main character, and him. A connection seemingly forgetten by time and tide. But what? And in Persona 2, questions such as this always, ALWAYS turn out to have answers much more complicated than we actually think. Joker was just the beginning, and the end of the lure, even if it doesn’t shock us to tears, still amuses us so much more.

I’m not the kind of gamer who easily laughs at corny jokes. But Timemage actually got one for me. Well, basically he’s just another regular villain in the DQ-world. He’s hiding himself inside a clock tower, plotting to repeat time in a certain town, making one day in that time start over again and again. So as time flows normally for the rest of the world, the flow of time is stuck on that certain town. So that town will eventually be left behind in history, finally forgotten and be swallowed the darkness of oblivion (this town disappearing thngie is the regular plot thread in the game). Well, Timemage’s scheme may sound amusing enough. But what was more amusing was his last words before his death. Damn. I’m not supposed to spoil it here. Just try looking for it in a gamescript FAQ if you manage to find one. Minor as it is, I still can’t forget that scene even until now.

Black suits and black shades. Since I’m often too lazy to read instruction manuals, the first time I saw them in-game, I kinda wondered who they are. As far as I remember back then, I never really did see any promotional artwork that portrays these guys before. Black suits and black shades? Compared to the ragged fancy battle outfits that Cloud and co. wears, don’t they seem a bit out of place? Even after we hear the scary description that Aeris gives them, like how they’ve basically been chasing her all this time and they do all of Shinra’s dirty work like espionage and assasination, their easy and calm attitude has always made me wondered if these guys are really bad. I mean, they’re on the opposite side, really. Which thus makes them villains. But as the Turk in Mario Puzo’s novels states it, ‘It’s business. Nothing personal.’. Just like that. And the Turks like the Turk really are just doing they’re job. They get paid. Which thus establishes their weird relationship with the main characters. They actually kick ass too. Heck, this bunch was amusing enough to even got their own game! Heh, they deserve to be on the list.

I can’t think of anyone else and I just can’t help of not putting this guy here. If you don’t know him since DQ VI was only released in Japan, imagine Ozzie from Chrono Trigger. Both fat and green. Mudo looks just like him, except he’s a lot meaner, a lot eviler, laughs a bit louder, and a much more trouble to beat. You see, he’s the first villain who makes his appearance in the game. So in a sense we get the impression that he’s the game’s big bad guy. The final boss. We travel through the world as warriors of a certain kingdom just to beat him. We have to venture into his castle which has this astonishingly annoying layout, with traps and holes which forces us to start over again while enduring those insanely annoying random battles. When we finally reach him, he was also a pain to beat. Does this mean this finally ends? Nooo. Absolutely nooo. Afterwards, we must travel across ANOTHER world trying to find ANOTHER very annoying castle in order to have a fight with Mudo AGAIN. This time, he was more than a pain. He was HELL. Back in the 90s when DQ VI came out, Mudo was infamous among the kids in Japan as one of the hardest RPG bosses in history. He really doesn’t look at it, especially if we compare him to Ozzie who we have to beat using trickshots. But when Mudo hits, he hits hard, and even if the game uses a turn-based system, Mudo gets his turn several times IN A ROW. He really exhausts all our MP and items but he just doesn’t look like it! I mean, like I said, he’s fat, he looks silly, his attitude is Akira Toriyama-ishly corny. But when me and buddy tried out DQ VI back then and fought Mudo, both of us just couldn’t stop talking about his eerie gag for weeks. The game doesn’t end with just Mudo either. But he was definitely the most amusing part of DQ VI, and quite possibly the most amusing RPG villain I ever faced. Oh, I forgot about his schemes. I’m not allowed to spoil anything. Let me just say that it turns out that he was actually pretty wicked.

Oh man. In the end, I actually managed to finish this random list. Thanks for reading.

List by eternalauraticsphere